Its been a tough go of things this weekend...Sadly, my brood has been decreased by one. David turned 18 in September and had been struggling with rules and school. He decided to try to make a go of life on his own...
Well, um, actually, we had to kick him out. When he moved in here, I gave him 3 rules, pretty simple rules, rules that pretty much sum up most of the core values we are trying to instill in our children.
1- Nothing illegal
2 - No lying
3 - No physical anger (hitting, throwing things, slamming doors, etc)
I started to write that it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, tough love, yada, yada, yada, but actually... it was just the opposite, it was the easiest, most obvious answer. I wont bore you with the gory details, but to sum it up, we discovered that he broke rule number 1 and 2 again, with flagrant disregard to the safety, welfare and freedom of everybody else living in this house. (e-mail me if you're really curious about the details).
Throwing him out was easy, anger fueled me, protecting my young fueled me, I had no problem saying (very loudly, very firmly) "I'm done! You have put everything I care about, including yourself, at risk. We have given you chance after chance to do the right thing, I want you out by the weekend!". Later that evening, I made sure he had the number of our pastor if he needed a counselor and assured him of Pastor Jack's sensitivity and strict confidentiality.
The hard part came Friday evening. I came home from work and he was there, finishing up some of his laundry, he had packed a bag, he had asked to leave most of his stuff at our house until he could figure something out. (For now, he's staying at a friends house). My anger had cooled (but not my resolve), we asked him to Thanksgiving dinner, told him we cared about him, gave him a hug and said good-bye...it was the hardest thing I had to do. I cried after he left. Had I done the right thing? was I insuring, for him, the path his parents chose? Upon reflection, I'm still resolved and confident in my decision and JJ reassures me that my choice was the right one( and it was my overwhelming, vehement decision to do it). But still I find myself wishing he understood the rare chance to be a kid for a little while longer that he was given by us, the world is a cold, hard, scary place.